Hawk (merhawk) wrote,

Goodbye 2014. You aren't missed.

I know I haven't been around much of the past 6 months; I've been reading what's been posted, but I haven't been able to get myself to talk. I wish I'd had the strength to cheer you on or commiserate with you publicly, but I just didn't have it in me to speak. Just know that if you thought I was thinking about you when you posted - I really was. 2014 started out so well for me, but turned hellish half-way through and I'm still processing the death of my brother. The odd thing is that I was the one who was so together at the time compared to everyone else (blood-related, that is). canyonwalker wasn't able to be there the entire time, and someone had to be sensible about things. But once I wasn't needed in that role, I started my own stages of grief and just haven't come to full grips yet.

On top of that, my father had emergency surgery the beginning of December, and it could have proved fatal as well. Considering how bad off he was, he's well on his way to a perfect recovery (as perfect as recovery can be when you're 75). I desperately needed the trip we just made to Cancun (canyonwalker is detailing it over on his journal) and it helped. But once we got off of vacation... I'm back in the same stages I was in before.

I'll get out of it, at some point. I want to try and make more of a point of being outgoing and seeing friends again. I know I keep saying that, but I actually feel it might stick this time. A lot of things went wrong with my brother, and one of them was that he kept himself isolated when he had support that he never used. If he'd used it, things would have been very different. So while I'm not promising anything, I will do my best to much more visible and available this year. And yes, silmaril, that means more beading posts.

I have no idea who's still reading this or not. I'm well aware that the majority of my friends circle is over at G+ now, and I still hate the interface enough that I'm not sure I'll ever manage to get myself there. But for those of my friends who are reading this - and even those of you who aren't - I wish you all a sweet and happy new year, and may any trials that happened in the previous year just be there to help make you stronger for this one.

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Tags: bf, family, greetings, grief, nathan, parents

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